I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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