I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i believe in u and ur pee
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
