i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
