walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
