Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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