I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
