I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
