I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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