How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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