Please don't use social media to get back at me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
