And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
