There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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