Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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