As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
