I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
