i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
