im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
