Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
