I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just had sex bonerless
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
