really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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