New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
