hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
mondays should just be called national damage control day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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