I wish my penis had an off switch
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
