He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
