Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
