Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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