i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
