You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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