The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
