we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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