please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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