There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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