Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
