Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
