I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
