I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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