saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
