I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
