i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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