how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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