who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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