i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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