This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
