also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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