did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
