hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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