I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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