I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
