Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
