This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
