Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
