Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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