I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we're so committed to being not committed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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