So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
