Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
