I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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