dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
